Being happy?!?

I thought I'll be happy
Trust me I did
I resolved to be so
I put awesome make up on
Was party time to rock on

The dress was nice and sassy
And yes I did look classy
I danced & swirled & made merry
Pouted selfies & scented rosemary

But then why did my heart pound
What again went unfound
Was it again you my distant lover
Did you again came & left over?

I told you not to love me
I told you not to care
You still came close
You gave me your life's share

Now nowhere to be found
You left unannounced
I partied way too long
But my heart won't play along

They think I rock the dance floor
They see sexy moves & want more
I put up a good show
But my heart cries & goes low

I breath you, I bleed you, I need you so hard
How could you go so easily apart?
You did care but did too go..
Left alone I feel like use & throw!

You work, you play, you stay away
For crying lonely is what I may stay
Did I deserve all that crappy
When all I thought was to be happy.. 

He belongs to a different world.

he belongs to a different world
a world that ain't mine..

he's chirpy with friends
his shirts glorified

He sips on bear while he thinks of coke
he laughs and giggles with some hookah smoke

he belongs to a different world
a world that ain't mine..

many go away and many come
he stays with all and he does like some

with me is duty: his mouth is zipped
his friends are fun: he feels ripped

he belongs to a different world
a world that ain't mine..

his shirts are formal, his look serious
his vision too large & he talks business

his romance is silent and his tone very happy
his answers round and his ways very snappy

he belongs to a different world
a world that ain't mine..

he walks and talks and lives a perfect life
but feels distant to me- hard to survive

he says he's him, when around me
but I see him happier minus Sohani

he says he's content when around me
but I see his satisfaction minus Sohani

he says he sleeps with me like never before
then why does he chose to be awake so more?

he belongs to a different world
a world that ain't mine..

he bows to his duties & gets away
to a world that's his - leaving me alone as I may..

You vs. Me

You vs me

Whatever I say goes on to destruct 
Whatever you say just doesn't construct 
Whatever we do is go-went-gone
Whatever we feel is home alone 
I do try to fuck up
Yes I do try to fake
You still try to look up
You still try to make
Am I too cold or are you too warm
Is the world too cruel or am I stuck up in the social norm? 
Peace me, embrace me, pace me down
For I may sink but you shall not drown
Bring it on you prosperity, bring on the fire
Cos I may ash down but not you my desire!

You kill me a million times..

That moment when you feel my voice and kiss me on the phone

and I just can't kiss you back... 

That's when you kill me

That moment when you embrace the distance & say it's fine

and I just can't confirm you back..

That's when you kill me

That moment when you assure me togetherness our whole life

and I just can't be there one moment..

That's when you kill me

That moment when you drive all the way to the city for my one luxury

and I just can’t sit by your side..

That's when you kill me

That moment when you say you want to love me

and I just can't love you back..

That's when you kill me

That moment when you sit out in the cold only to comfort me

and I just can't ease you out..

That's when you kill me

That moment when you FaceTime & gaze with your eyes filled with love

And I just can't look back at you..

That's when you kill me

That moment when you tell me you miss me every time you talk

and I just can't speak with those tears..

That's when you kill me

Every single moment you try to come close you kill me..

And if that's how's it going to be.. 

Kill me more... For I find peace and comfort in your love more than any life could give me

Kill me more.. For its death by you, my prosperity, which is beyond the distance that your country and mine may bring

Kill me more.. For it'll be my way of loosing myself into a distance-free world

Kill me more.. For it's the only way where I can be yours… 

Not every night!

Not every night is the night
when I write
Not every day is the day
when I fight

Sometimes I want to believe in the blue
I wanna feel him, touch him, with distance very few

Not every night is the night - to cry
not every day is the day - too dry

Sometimes it's about that real touch
asking his love ain't too much..

Nineteen days is what I count on fingers
they may look less but the pain still lingers

Not every night is when I feel so strong
Distance may be right but my love ain't wrong

M sick, m tires, I can't cry any more
bring me back my prosperity, the one I adore!

I give you nights for I pray to Navgrah
well take another nine for each one takes a prayer

For the last one night you lead me to mine
for that's where I belong, that's my divine..

19 nights is my challenge dear God
for it may be fancy - but my love ain't fraud

Not every night is the night to wait..
Bring me home! & bless my fate!

WHERE I BELONG TO YOU...

I feel alone the whole day,
      I have little to do..
I have less people to talk to,
      I have nowhere to go..

But I enjail myself
      willingly in this blue..
For that's where
      I belong to you..

I crash,
      I cry..
Minute by minute
      I feel like I die..

I crunch,
      I scream..
You're distant my love
      & us is a dream..

I sleep with the blanket
      & I talk to the walls..
Waiting seems endless
      & I feed on your calls..

I cuddle your pillow
      & I embrace your drawer..
Every night m a soldier
      & alone I fight a war..

I burn in the cold
      & m cold in the heat..
it's like ditching my own heart
      & being my own cheat..

For I tell my heart you're close
      I tell you're in those sheets..
the lie tries to keep me alive
      & thus my heart still beats..

I howl, I cry,
      I sob & I beat..
for my waiting leads me
      to endless defeat..

But I enjail myself
      willingly in this blue..
For that's where
      I belong to you..

She ditched me!

Yes she ditched me..
My very own baby
My partner in crime (well no more)

Yes she ditched me..
My supporter
My look
My only identity they knew..

Yes she ditched me..
I trained her well
I taught her well
She knew how to behave
She took all I gave

She never refused
She did as I said
She felt like mine
She heard as I lead

Of course she had to
After all she's my body..
I groom her
I train her
I bathe her everyday
Isn't that what you do too
To yours as you may?

But yes she ditched me
She ditched me this time
She unheard my command
And followed her own rhyme

She undressed herself
She unbuttoned you too
She reached out for your lips
She unheard my clue

She felt your hot ass
And the big thing to play
She went through the hills
She went on to VJ

I told her it's a sin
"Permission not granted!"
Yet she gazed through VJ
She ate it and enchanted

I told her "be scared"
I told her it's pain
Of little that she cared
She went on again

Oh yes she ditched me
She unfollowed my path
She belongs to you now
She instigates her own path!

Hunger

my body feels empty
        she screams & shouts
she is groaning from within
         she just can't feel anymore

         she feels the void
while she feels so light
         I don't know anymore
if it's hunger for food
         or hunger for love ?!

wohl sein!

Da gibts nur wohl sein.
nicht allein sein
kein mein sein
auf keinen fall dein sein
niemals arrogant sein
bisschen wie Kant sein
Nietzsche muss dabei sein
aber jedoch noch frei sein
Komm mit!
Da gibts nur wohl sein!

New sound :)

Was the way too short or my desire too long..
Why does it feel right- when they say it's wrong..
Was the kiss too less or the wish too more
Why do I love it when they say just ignore?
I want to write more but parents around
But I don't hear them cos you're my new sound.. 

ये बात अभी ख़तम हुई नही

ये बात अभी ख़तम हुई नही
ये रात तेरी सनम हुई नही

उन आखों में आज भी नमी थी
उनमे आज भी मेरी कमी थी

मैं अड़ी तो बड़ा अपनी बात पर
पर रुक ना सकी उस जज़्बात पर

वो एहसास आज भी बरकरार था
उस दबी हसी में आज भी इज़हार था

उस चश्मे के पीछे छुपाना तो था एहसास को
लेकिन फिर मिलने क्यूँ आए अपनी ख़ास को?

ये बात अभी ख़तम हुई नही
ये रात तेरी सनम हुई नही 

Sorry prosperity!

You looked so sweet as ever
your eyes were shy
your hands sweating
your coat so neat
your red shirt well ironed
I like the way you smiled
your demeanor was calm
you must be having an upheaval
but you still had that charm..
I felt really guilty
I felt really bad
wanted to make things fine
but not when I myself am sad
you deserve a happy partner
you're a happy soul
but excuse my confidence
for 'good hearts' play no role.

My shit gotta be real
my shit gotta have insight
my shit will touch my soul
& all the wrongs will be right!

Come back!!

So hard to hold back my tears
Two seconds pass like two years
I can't see straight it's dark & grey
It's hookah smoke and no words to say
Come back please Glueck, hold me tight
My days are bleak & it's scary by the night 

As she may..

She knew she's good
She knew she could bake
But for the love of God
CA was her only make

They told her it's right
They told her it's class
She agreed for the love
She just had to pass

She gave it her best
She gave it her age
She tried for the love
Continued without rage

She did it day & night
She swallowed all those books
While all friends that she had
cared for parties & good looks

Once in while she ditched
She did what her heart said
Once in while she baked
For this secret love was unread

They did care for study
But then they saw, they tasted, they believed
She was trying hard for the love
But the love was here indeed

They believed in her
more than she could
They smashed the society
For their love touch wood

She flies now like a free bird
She swings and dances and sways away
For this is just the begging
And she can live as she may..

I slide into your shoe

I slide into your shoe!

I am with you!
I slide into your shoe..

You may feel cheated
you too walk away
You may cry by yourself
You couldn't say

You stay busy & busy
& then happy again
You hide your feel
You hide the pain

But I am with you!
I slide into your shoe

We meet no more
You talk very less
You may get angry
& think what a mess

You may check on me
And see a happy soul
You think what a bitch
with a nasty goal

But I am with you!
I slide into your shoe

You may smoke it out
And relieve all the rage
You may hate me more
And think we're on the same page

You may talk to family
You may say she wasn't worth
You set out on a journey
& find someone with a dearth

But I am with you!
I slide into your shoe

You may laugh at parties
And act so cool
They'll think you're good
They'll think you rule

You wear your glasses
You mask it good
You hate me more
And you fight like a dude

But I am with you!
I slide into your shoe

I reacted too wrong
I thought I didn't care
But your voice was still deep
Your conviction very rare

Now you may as well act
You may never come back
But my guilt will stay
Though it wasn't an attack

You will be what you were
M sure you'll live again
You as it is want a deal
& minus Sohani wont even pain

I feel it and m sorry
For it was sudden & bizarre
But I pray you will be happy
with your deal & with no scar

Because I am with you!
I slide into your shoe

(im)PERFECT WORLDS

Everything was perfect.
Perfect two worlds.

Auckland was a modern life form
while Delhi was vintage and warm.

Auckland was classy easy dove
while Delhi had all the love.

Auckland was sweet innocent talky
while Delhi was oh so rocky.

Auckland was smiling immense
while Delhi was feelings and sense.

Auckland would bend and flattered
while Delhi was all that mattered.

Auckland was white and pretty
while Delhi was her own city.

Everything was perfect.
Perfect two worlds.

She tried to fit in Auckland
while her heart was in homeland.

She tried to listen to all of them
while her heart knitted its own hem.

She split herself and did it all.
She agreed to glory and took a call.
Auckland was cheated and
Delhi smashed her away
For she was neither home
nor far away.

She pleaded and cried and begged all around.
neither Auckland nor Delhi heard her sound.

She hated perfection
hated perfect worlds
for her peace was found
in her grievances unfurled

She now lives in disdain
yet content in her shelter
where she chooses imperfection
where nobody has felt her..

We wear different lenses!

Of times and again
that he can't see
I see a match
that just can't be

he sees through the loop
he seeks for a deal
while I seek love
that can't just appeal

he sees through ambition
he sees the crisp voice
while I am all soft
around me is all noise

of times and again
he gets a good heart
well that exactly oh dear
will rip us apart

his vision is clear
his point to straight
while I wait for the doubts
& true love on a date

his check list is done
his duty fulfilled
he may marry a puppet
for feelings will be killed

Why do I hear none of what he says?
Why do my eyes don't see what he shows?
And why do I, still my dear, get prosperous every time?
Let the blinding be done.. and the glasses be worn
as all I see is red reprinting my greens..

Let the hue of red
that belongs to you instead
and the hack of black
that stays on your shack
come to me every night
and paint my greens till the morning light..

For that's when I wear your lenses!
For that's when I wear your lenses!

"To be or not to be"

"To be or not to be" - Thank you Shakespeare for giving this dilemma to us..
So here are I am, strangling with the same word I was so confident about back in 2012.. One of my first posts..
Its been five years and all I could do in all this while is talking a step back.. no wait.. taking a million steps back and yet none.
The confidence is gone and I can see myself getting into the cobwebs of Maryada set by my dear own society...
The society set by my own people.. my mummy ji, my papa ji, my brothers, my friends forever.. The list is never ending..
Where am I to go, if none support my Maryada? What am I to do, if what I want to do involves them.. all of them..
Shall I be a rebel? Boycott the society and flee?? But for whom? For inner peace?
May be being in my own blanket, sipping coffee and just writing a blog is more convenient..
I may die a million times.. but in a cosy warm blanket only to wake up to a happy sunny day..

Maryada.. Hah.. I thought I'd set one for myself.. No baby, they set it right.. They know how to CULTIVATE.. they know how to TAME.. after all, it's apt to train and tame wild ones.. Oh yes they call me wild.. all of them..

Am I wild?? I was just taking my own sweet time... I was just listening to my heart..
But here you go society.. I give up.. For I am not wild! If I am anything.. then that's just one of the many.. one of the many millions.. who die a million times, yet live it up.. live it up to you..
Happy 2017! YOU WIN!

एक पल

ये कैसा एक पल हुआ

जो होके भी ना हुआ

एक एहसास रूहानी सा, सुहानी सा

ये हवा, ये फ़िज़ा

जो मुझे चूमते ही करवट बदल गयी

यूँ समुद्र में उठती हुई लहरे

जो मेरे करीब आते ही ठहर गयी

एक बरसात जो भीगा ना सकी

एक रात जो आ ना सकी

टहनी से निकला हुआ वो पत्ता

जो उड़ान भरते ही रेत पे आ गिरा

यूँ मिलो फैली रेत

जो हथेली में आते ही फ़िसल गयी

ये कैसा एक पल हुआ

जो होके भी ना हुआ

धडकने तेज़ हुई

और रूह काँप उठी

जो ये एहसास हुआ

प्राकृत तेरा राज़दार हुआ

यूँ फ़िज़ाओं का मुड़ना

यूँ ल़हेरो का थमना

ये तो तेरी फ़ितरत है जानम

जो बरसात तरसा के चली गयी

जो रात चिढ़ा के ढाल गयी

ये तो तेरी हरकत है जानम

तू आज फ़िर आके चला गया

मेरी आखों में आँसू और लाबो पे हसी देके चला गया

जो होके भी ना हुआ,

एसा एक पल देके चला गया |